Theory that proves that Edward is real

The facts and events presented are destined to be proved in Mariana´s fantastically crazy world, any similarity to planet Earth or any events you have lived are mere coincidence, and that only proves my point of obsession.

You cannot sue me for this piece of literature.

I´ll start off with an argument that occurred to me spontaneously, and I had no idea such information had been put in my brain, I then found out that my philosophy classes (the ones I paid the slightest attention to and did not fall asleep or start daydreaming) were not in vain.

A certain philosopher whose stupid name I cannot recall, conceive a theory that explains our inability to distinguish our dreams from reality, he said we cannot know where the dream ends and reality takes place. This was the principle I based my first argument in.

The utmost important fact to refer is that I love Edward, thus he is real, if real is what we can feel, smell, see either in the abstract form or the tangible one, otherwise feelings would be considered unreal and irrelevant. Therefore if everything is real nothing is real, for we cannot tell apart reality from idealism and dreams. In our dreams our mind is convinced by itself that we are truly feeling every emotion and performing every movement, weren’t you ever close to falling off of your bed, because in the dream we were flying, or even feeling a shudder down your spine because in the dream you were falling off from a cliff, and the moment you wake up is the precise instant when you hit the ground? That happens to me on a regular basis, and it is utterly annoying, but going back to the point, if we can´t tell apart reality from dreams how can we be sure that our life isn’t a permanent dream and the moment of our death is actually the awakening to reality, and then we realize that the last 20years were merely 8hours, or in my case 4 because I read Breaking Dawn over and over again every night (If you don’t know what I mean Shame on you, go kill yourself), since it´s impossible to tell between dreams and reality, until the moment we wake up, then it´s plausible our life is one of those dreams (who are pretty reoccurring) I am married to Edward and our child´s name is Renesmee.

In this case our reality (being awake) can never be proved, thus being considered an illusion of our mind or even a dream.

To conclude my first argument to this thesis I can avow that if life is a dream, then in mine, me Edward and our daughter are a happy vampire family (except for Renesmee due to theh fact or her being half human (go read Breaking Dawn Now)), and all of it is REAL.

The case being of my first argument´s inability to justify my theory, I will now present my next on:

Let us consider Matrix, which is a very pretty and elucidating saga with Mr. Keanu Reaves (I can´t spell is name properly, and Google is to many clicks away), in which the world was taken by artificial intelligent machines (or something like that), who were created by man, but then became so developed that they were able to function independently. These machines built a computer matrix that works as a virtual reality, in which all and every interaction among humans is integrated, like in the world considered real, and the only reason our lives were speared was our ability to produce massive amounts of energy thus the machines no longer require sun light. Hence humans are captive in an alternative reality without ever suspecting that the world was destroyed, thus keeping their normal lives. With this rambling I´ve got off tack, all of this to explain that if our world is similar to the Matrix one, then we are controlled by something or someone, thus all being an illusion and us prisoners of our own minds. I believe ignorance is bliss; therefore as an unaware prisoner, I can once more state the fact that Edward is as real as me and I am his wife, in or fake reality in which we inhabit.

My third premise is based on the plausibility of reincarnation, which other way can you explain Déjà vu (other than Matrix), or even common sense (which is most of the time stupid), how can anyone know right from wrong, without supplementary information that secures that our notion of right is utterly absurd (Take for example terrorist, they interpret The Coran so that killing innocents grants them 72 virgins), my theory revolves around the idea that souls are recyclable (the same principle as “The Host” ) but without the alien part, meaning there are a limited number of souls that inhabit a body until it´s dying day and then move on to another, consequently some of the memories of the old body are transferred to the new one, thus explaining the basic knowledge that every body possesses. This way I´m Bella´s reincarnation and Robert Pattinson is Edward´s. In our old life I was friends with the soul that now inhabits Stephenie Myer and I had told her all about my life with Edward, including the wedding the detailed descriptions of the meadow, that I held most dearly, those memories of our conversation where transferred to the new body and it interpreted them as a dream, and not the real history of my previous existence. When I read the saga I started putting together the fragments of my dim memory, my soul possesses, and found that I am without doubt Edward´s wife, and when Robert sees me he will remember me or better said my soul and will be otherwise unable to prevent his old feelings from resurveying thus marrying me. I´ll won´t go into detail about my previous life since you know (wink, wink).

I hereby conclude the first volume of arguments for my thesis to prove that Edward is real and my husband, I will now go to the part where I prove he´s my God.

May the peace of Edward be with you whilst reading these sacred words that our Lord all mighty creator of heaven and earth and all the things visible and invisible, proffered.

Edward is my God, my religion believes on the existence of a superior being who possesses super powers, among which being super fantastic and super dazzling. Meaning he´s better than Jesus Christ because he doesn’t have an ugly ass beard, nor greasy hair, he has super perfect hygiene like all his holiness.

Edward is even more fantastic than Superman, because he´s a lot hotter and wears a lot less lycra tights, and extremely unyielding underpants on top of the tights (which is an awesome trend I must try it sometime). Ed doesn´t have any weakness and he shine in the sun which is ever so pretty.

This is all for volume one of the sacred bible of Our lord Edward Cullen.