Moonless night-Edward’s POV of New Moon
I’m missing a lot of intermediate chapters my minds works in weird ways so I know the ending and half of the middle but the beginning is freaking hard to think of so yeah have to dwell on it:P …………………………………………………………………………
'It is said time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity covers them up with scar tissue and the pain lessens but it is never gone.'
Rose Kennedy
My chest hurts though no heart is in turmoil. My body feels soared and numb though that cannot be for it is stone. My skin still shines like a million diamonds in all the moonlit surfaces of the earth though it is more feeble. It´s a dim, frail reflection, such as the moonlight itself. A mere fraction of the sun´s brilliancy.
Preface
It was nearly midday and I was ready to face my death. Without Bella, life was meaningless, for she was my reason, my heart, my soul I could not live thinking that my perfect angel no longer existed, there is no point enduring in this world without the one you love.
Distance was indeed way too much to handle but this; knowing that she no longer walked this earth, that was much harder; I couldn´t exist for another second. I need to go to her, find her in heaven. I would climb the gates of hell just to see her face again, just to breathe her scent which no longer made my thirst unbearable, now that sweet innocent scent makes me love her with every cell in my body. That is why it has come to this. That is why I must be killed.
I´m sorry my love, I couldn´t save you, I should have done something, anything to prevent you from loving me, but I wasn´t strong enough. I was too selfish. I needed my Bella to love me as I loved her. It would have saved her but I could never do that. Oh why was I born?! Why didn´t I die a century ago?! I don´t deserve the love she gave me. I´m a monster, a selfish murderer, a weak excuse for a night creature. I deserve to suffer, for hurting my beautiful Bella, I don´t seek forgiveness, for it can never be granted. My life no longer exists so nor shall my existence.
From my peripheral vision I got a glimpse of two black long cloaks. The Volturi guard is waiting to murder me. Good, this shall be fast. At the second toll of the clock I stepped forward. As I walk into Volterra´s sunlight I feel something grabbing my chest, as I open my eyes I see my Bella ,“Amazing, Carlisle was right” and there I was in heaven holding Bella in my arms. I could not believe my soul deserved to be in heaven. How were my sins forgiven?! Nothing mattered, I would be with Bella forever.
"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing-they're very good," As I press my lips to Bella´s hair, I inhale the scent that once made me a killer, but now it could only make me feel as if the most amazing perfume had just entered my nostrils. That scent was as beautiful as its owner, the one I would love for all eternity. The one I hurt ever so deeply and was still willing to be held by me, the creature that broke her, that made her doubt herself and the love I felt for her. To this day I cannot believe I had the strength to keep away for so many months, every second felt excruciating as if nothing would ease the pain no matter how much I fought to forget. If this was heaven how could I be in it?
The line from Romeo and Juliet, when he was at his tomb, appeared in my mind and I voiced it without realizing "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty,"
"You smell just exactly the same as always," I went on. "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it." This was so unreal that I could almost doubt it, but I could feel Bella in my arms so it must be heaven, or hell either way .I had prayed for the pain to numb, for myself to be kept from feeling a thing. But this, how could I have ever imagined that death would be so peaceful, it is so unfair. I did not deserve to be happy again. For all the pain I´d caused I should have rotten in hell, and I would be grateful for it. In that case Bella would no longer suffer. If I was away, and having my punishment. But I didn´t. Why was God being so kind to me?! My sins alone should condemn me to hell, though I am here, holding my true and only love in my arms. I know I do not deserve it, but I am, utterly and immensely joyful, if such words can describe the immensitude of my feelings right now. 2.The crusade for the pendant
Bella had made me promise not to buy her a present due to the ridiculous fact that she believes she’s aging. Since I am forever trapped in the body of a seventeen year old, she has come to the conclusion that she is old. As if age was relevant in our relationship. I am a century older than her. There’s no older than that in her book. Yet still she pouts every time such a theme occurs in our conversations. I granted her victory. No presents. Today ,at least. I had bought, or better phrased, took back a pendant that has belonged to my family for generations. It’s in a museum. Thus the problem of the taking back what is yours by right. However, the archives don’t go back so far and I’m not supposed to be alive. Thus the dilemma: To steal or not to steal.
Obviously I chose the first. The pendant is a white diamond with a chain in white gold. The diamond itself is shaped as a tear drop. Symbolizing the tears shed by the wives and daughters during World War I. My grandmother gave it to me in a will, she loved the pendant, would wear it every day. It reminded her that her suffering is shared by many. That gave her strength somehow. For me, it would have depressed me further had I not been in the barracks myself. The museum where it's been held is in Amsterdam, in order to go there without causing suspicion to Bella I’d have to leave after she went to sleep.
After a couple of hours of running and swimming I got to Amsterdam. The diamond museum is a rather fascinating place to take someone. I shall convince Bella to come visit with me. Or it would be best if I didn’t, given that I’ll be stealing one of the most important items of their collection. I won’t show in the surveillance. My speed ought to be leverage. I still don’t know if the alarm will sound in case I cut through the glass with my nails. I hope not, I’m not in a smashing mood, which includes both skulls and bullet proof glass.
Since when did my luck start? Oh right, never. Glad I didn’t have to kill anyone nor did I cause too much of a mess while recovering my soon to be Bella’s, pendant. The guards were clueless as to what had happened. I considered leaving money but then thought it would be best to let them think it was a theft in the normal sense of the word, including gang members, mobsters, and such). I’ll order a donation, doubling the value of the pendant and the damage as soon as I get home so I can appease my mind and Bella’s if she were to find out about a crime which occurred half way through the globe, where there is no evidence and the news cast won’t bother investigating such trivial matters globally. The file will be closed after superficial investigations and I’ll never be linked to any of those deeds. Justice does not apply to vampires. It's a good thing we have a good set of morals and the Volturi to control us otherwise we would have annihilated human kind a long time ago.
My trip back home was without incidents. I stopped for a snack on the way. I was in a mood for a shark. I stripped down my clothes and laid them in an underwater cave. The water would evaporate with my running, however I didn’t want to explain bite marks to Bella. She is to know nothing of what happened today. I didn’t have to look very thoroughly to find my prey. A great white in the deep clean waters of the Atlantic seemed a dish fit for the gods. Ok that was a matter of speech, I do not think of myself as divine. Quite the contrary, however, that’s a different story and I have a shark to drain. Returning to gold as I return to Bella. The pendant is safe at my place. I’ll offer it to her when the age craziness is left behind of us 3. Bracelet
I’ve been giving a great part of my mother’s jewelry to Alice, Rosalie and Esme. They are getting fed up with me always trying to erase the shreds of my childhood. Thus my decision to give the diamond bracelet to Bella, this way I won’t be running away from the memories and Bella will have a pretty thing to remember me by. I should probably explain why my female family members seem to think I’m flinching from my childhood memories. Possibly due to the fact that I lost both my parents in a concentration camp like infirmary, or better phrased quarantine facility.
I was seventeen when Carlisle found me and I was just inches away from death. My mom wasn’t as cursed as I was. She had a painful death but a true one. I have to linger here forever trapped. Had I not found Bella, I would have tried to cease my existence various times.
Spanish influenza hit Chicago in a devastating and deadly wave of destruction. My father had died a few months before my mother. We had watched him wither away, consumed by the disease. The gauze masks didn’t hide our tears as well as it did our breaths. When our first symptoms hit, it was September. The infested breeze lingered and hit my throat which was scratched from the rabid progress of the disease and turned it into icy embers that blazed into my lungs. Luckily my mother was better than myself, her symptoms hadn’t progressed as swiftly as mine did.
I first started experiencing dizzy spells which turned into fever and the fever caused cold chills and sweats. It was uncomfortable to move but it didn’t quite hurt. Only my head panged and swelled with an ache that was too ruthless to be described. It made my eyes tired and my ears ring with a low rumble. Mother had promised the doctor would be able to slow the progress of the disease and I, as I had done for seventeen years, believed those words…”Everything is going to be okay”she said. However, as we neared the quarantine infirmary, hope was not the highest priority on my list, breathing was. Every shallow breath seemed to send jolts of icy electricity through my lungs. I didn’t complain, it would only make my mother more worried. I kept the pain for myself just as she was doing.
As we reached the hallway of the infirmary, a nurse approached us. She was wearing a white uniform and trying to block the sight of two men carrying boxes from a vehicle to the front entry. Too late, my mother had reached for my hand and clutched it tightly as I understood the purpose of such apparatus. Those men were retrieving the dead bodies from the infirmary. The number of victims kept rising as the epidemic grew stronger. Medicine couldn’t quite fight against an invisible and microscopic virus. They didn’t have decent equipment or proper knowledge. A miracle was in order so we could have a fighting chance of survival. In my case it came in an unsuspected form. It is said God writes in crocked lines; well my savior gave me life after all hope was stripped away from me. My entire family was gone and I was given eternal life.
My mother had been settled in the women’s quarantine facility. I had hoped we could stay together. I was seventeen, I didn’t want to die alone. I needed my mother to comfort me or at least be there so I would pretend to believe her when she said “It will all be okay, we’ll be home soon, don’t worry honey”. I wanted to believe yet I knew my fate was coming. Either death or eternal damnation, I would not linger much longer in this life.
My ward was covered with white sheets and cots; the noise of the disease eating away every man’s lungs was unbearable. My pain would soon get worse and I had the opportunity to observe how bad it would be. A nurse soon approached me, I was in the doorway not sure what to do with myself, she told me to follow her, and so I did. We neared a cot with white sheets and a blanket neatly folded resting on the end of the bed.
“Strip down yours clothes. They will be incinerated.” She demanded. She had a white gown under her arm which she presented to me. “Put this on and try to get some rest. The doctor will be here shortly to asess your condition and prescribe the meds.”
I nodded. Too awkward to reply decently, I swiftly took off all layers of clothing covering my body. As I did so, the thought that the nurse was the only woman to ever see my naked body apart from my mother crossed my mind and I blushed, like an embarrassed little child. I felt so horrible in that place, feeling the liquid that was building in my lungs making it hard for me to breathe, making it painful to think. All I longed for was numbness, to feel nothing at all. The nurse looked impatient; the ward I was in was pretty much full so I reckoned she would have her hands full. She took my clothes and tried not to touch them unnecessarily. I suppose they were infested with the virus that was eating me from the inside. “Thank you dear. Now, do you know how to make the bed or you need me to do so?”- she kindly asked.
“I know how, thank you ma’am”- I garbled as best as I could considering my parched throat and mushy lungs. She left hurriedly in the direction of the farther exit of the ward.
The gown I had on was much too thin for Chicago’s autumn; I quickly got under the single blanket that protected me from hypothermia. I tried to sleep, however, the thought of death, not my own but my mother’s kept thrusting in my mind. Suddenly I heard someone call.
“Hey mate, can't sleep eh?”- I tried to make out who had talked but the darkness was too thick. “Don’t worry mate, as soon as the doc comes back he’ll give you something for the pain and you’ll be fine”- and with that reassurance I was able to go under for a few hours.
It couldn’t be dawn yet, there was not enough light. I woke up with the sound of a truly melodic voice, however, the sound didn’t match the message it was giving.
“Hello son, I’m Dr. Cullen. I need to draw blood to see how far the disease has progressed, so please would you mind giving me your arm?” – Ugh needles. I unwillingly presented my arm to the cordial doctor. He will make me better, I kept thinking.
After he was done he did a quick work up to make sure I had nothing broken or too badly bruised, he had explained that sometimes people would faint and hit the ground pretty harshly. The disease would mask the pain of the fall and they’d forget to tell him what had happened. A guy had died of internal bleeding due to that. That was not reassuring at all. “You’ll be okay son, there’s nothing broken. I’ll send the nurse with the meds in just a bit. You can go back to sleep, she’ll wake you to give you the shot.”-great, more needles. This cannot get any worse.
The voice that spoke during the night belonged to the guy who was settled in the cot to my right. “So...you just arrived eh?”-he asked.
“Last night, Sir.”-I mumbled, not particularly interested in maintaining the conversation. However, my desire was not the same as the guy’s.
“I’m Patrick. I got here one week ago, roughly the same time as Sid...Uh, the previous owner of that bed. I guess my time will come shortly.”- I flinched, obviously the cot had emptied due to its previous owner’s death, and yet such thought had never crossed my mind, well, until it was presented to me by uhm….Patrick.
“Uhm..I’m Edward. My mother is in the other ward. My father died a month ago. Me and my mother only started developing symptoms four nights ago.” I tried to answer all his future questions at once so I wouldn’t have to draw any more oxygen than necessary to breathe. I certainly did not feel the urge to painfully maintain a conversation, however, that might be my last so I guess I better take advantage of it. I started paying more attention to Patrick. He was probably in his twenties, yet the disease made him look older. It made all of us so. He had red hair and pitch black eyes and as me, he had only a white gown on, bare feet and the look as if he hadn’t bathed in too long. As painful as this conversation was for him he kept a smile, masking how hard it was for him to draw every breath. I felt as if I owed him the same effort.
Patrick and I got to know each other in the course of three days. He had told me of his girlfriend, showed me a picture of a beautiful brunette, and then came the news I was expecting.
“She died three months ago. You know, it still seems like yesterday; we were holding hands and making plans for our engagement party. She wanted a big party with all her friends and family. She was so nice to everyone we knew, wanted to invite the entire town. Sorry mate, I’m getting sentimental, it’s just that this place messes with your view of the world. You know. One minute your life is all planned ahead and the next you’re carrying your soon to be bride’s coffin to the grave. I tell you mate if it weren’t for her family I’d have jump in. You know, in the grave, but they grabbed me and gave me all this support. I was going nuts without her. Until the symptoms hit and I was happy to be dying. Felt like I’d join her soon. Oh, what am I saying, it’s too early in the morning to be talking about death. Sorry mate, I just wish I had someone to tell my story to. You know. So I wouldn’t feel like it was all to waste.”- And with that I inhaled and replied.
“I’m not sure I’ll live much longer than you but if I do, I vow to tell your story to whoever wishes to hear it. It will be a tale of a brave man that even in the face of death did not care for his own sake and thought only of his beloved.”
“Thanks mate, but we look like little girls talking about their feelings and stuff.”- He giggled and I could not help feeling happy in that God forsaken place, and with all the pain and discomfort, came a shred of hope. Hope that Patrick and I would live to tell our tales. Live to find love, for him again for me for the very first time. And then it was all washed away as Patrick took in his last excruciating breath.
I cried for a friend, for a companion in such awful conditions, for another soul lost in the hands of an invisible threat. For that kind you cannot take your revenge and so all you can do is cry. However I cried mostly because I’d soon be meeting the same faith. 4. Breakup
She didn’t deserve this. I have coveted, I have lied, I have killed. However, what I was about to do was the peak of all things atrocious. I was about to tell the most hideous lie. I had to break Bella’s heart to keep it beating. I could lose her; it was way too dangerous for her to be near me. If she died, I couldn’t live with myself.
I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my composure. Even the best actor flinches as he realizes the pain he’s causing, and I was no exception. My eyes would turn me out, as usual no one would know what they reflected, but Bella was different, she knew me better than I knew myself. At a deeper level anyway.
I couldn’t lie to Bella, she was my life. But since the other option is her death, I wrapped my mind around the fact that she wouldn’t believe the lie, and ended up changing nothing. Keeping her forever in danger. I’m utterly the most selfish creature on this earth. I’m willing to put my beloved in danger instead of saving her and keeping away.
I disgust myself terribly. I shouldn’t be allowed to walk this earth. I deserve to die in the place of Bella. I can’t do it though, her pain doesn’t let me. And I’m not able to do it by myself. Why does death have to be so difficult for vampires, and for humans it’s their deepest concern. God must really get a kick out of people’s misery.
I finally reached the point beyond doubt. I had to do this. As I walked next to her, I wished I could hear her thoughts, as usual, but this time it was different. I had to convince her that I did not love her anymore. Such thing would be impossible. Funny even, if the time was not this one. As if I could stop loving her just like that.
Nevertheless I had to try. Her thoughts would have helped me keep my story strong enough. They would allow me to manipulate her (how I hate even thinking such a thought), plant the doubt, even the slightest would be enough. It had to be, because that was the best I’d get. For her to question my love and that was it.
As usual, things wouldn’t work out easily for me. A few decades ago I’d say I deserved such punishment, but now that it involved someone else, her pain was not asked for. I gathered all my strength and used it to remain still. Froze my face in place, a marble statue, as cold , and untrue as it had never been before. I kept my look as casual as allowed by my conscience. Only my lips would move.
And so I began.
"Come for a walk with me," I said keeping my voice unemotional as I took Bella’s hand.
I pulled her along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. We didn’t walk for long. Just a couple of steps into the trees. As I leaned against a tree Bella said.
"Okay, let's talk,"
I took a deep breath. I had gone through and through this in my head. Replayed her reaction a million times. Would she cry? Of course she would. Would her grief pass soon?. Part of me wished she’d get over me but then again if she loved me she would suffer. As I am and always will. Oh, I wish she didn’t hurt. Or maybe I do. Just a little. So I’d know her love is as deep as mine. I know I don’t usually curse but fuck I’m selfish and childish. Hasn’t she proven herself? Hasn’t she been through enough? I have to stop this.
"Bella, we're leaving."-I can't be straighter than that. I’m useless. She’ll misunderstand of course. Oh, stupid creature, can I be more hopeless?.
"Why now? Another year...". She asked looking puzzled as to be expected.
I started again-"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."
"When you say we-," She whispered finally understanding the intention behind my words.
"I mean my family and myself." I spoke each word separate and distinct as to clarify and calm myself. I cannot break. Not now.
"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."
"You can't, Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you."-Edward, don’t crack, not now. Wait, you’ll surrender to your darkness in no time. Don’t cause her more pain than she has to endure. Fuck. Focus darn it. Focus.
"Where you are is the right place for me."
"I'm no good for you, Bella."-That was the inexorable truth.
"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life."
"My world is not for you,"- as much as I’d like to convince myself otherwise this was the reality. Bella would be forever in danger. She can't stay with me.
"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"
"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"
"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted to correct her.
"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?"- she was on the verge of tears. Her voice, strained with fury, made me pity her. She has already started to mar and I’m still here. I’m causing such grief in so little time.
"Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you-it's yours already!"
I took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. This is it. I have to say it. The worst kind of blasphemy, the utmost lie. I’d hate myself for saying such a thing, more than I do at the moment anyway. I set each muscle in my face as to appear solemn. I looked up at her wrecked self. Nearly crashing every attempt to remain calm and hold her in my arms as to never let go. I wish I could wipe her tear or to have never caused them in the first place, although of course such a thing could not happen, not to me anyway.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."- I will not think outside my script. This has to be played perfectly, I must appear unattached and unloving, otherwise her pain will never lessen. If she believes I do not crave her any longer she will make herself move on. She will try. That is all I ask. For her to be happy. Without me, if needed.
"You... don't... want me?"- her voice as well as her expression poured out bewilderment.
"No."
"Well, that changes things”- now I’m the one appalled, she seems numb. Calm even. Her shock mustn’t have subsided yet.
"Of course, I'll always love you... in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human."
"I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."- I was. Sorry for her, not me. Every tought, every word, I do not regret, I will not take any of that back. I love Bella, I always have and always will. It was never too much. It was the perfect amount and for some astonishing reason she loved me back as fiercely as I did. And it was not a mistake. Her pain was, our love wasn’t.
"Don't." "Don't do this." "You're not good for me, Bella." "If... that's what you want." I nodded once. My faced wiped of all emotion.
"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I said. I wish she’ll agree to this at least for her safety and my sanity.
"Anything," -she vowed.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
She nodded helplessly. Relief washed through me.
"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him."
She nodded again. "I will," Bella whispered.
"And I'll make you a promise in return," I said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."- This was my intention. I’ll do my best to keep my vow. No matter how much it hurts I will leave Bella. My only love. My whole reason to survive. I will let her go.
"Don't worry. You're human-your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."
"And your memories?" I asked. It sounded like there was something stuck in her throat, like she was choking.
"Well"-I hesitated for a short second-"I won't forget. But my kind... we're very easily distracted." I smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch my eyes. That much I can't pull off as much as I try to.
I took a step away from Bella. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."
The plural caught her attention. That surprised me; I would have thought she was beyond noticing anything.
"Alice isn't coming back," she realized.
I shook my head slowly, always watching her face.
"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to say goodbye."
"Alice is gone?" her voice was blank with disbelief.
"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."
"Goodbye, Bella," I said in the same quiet, peaceful voice that was so hard to keep composed.
"Wait!" she choked out the word, reaching for me.
I locked my hands around her wrists and pinned them to her sides. I leaned down, and pressed my lips very lightly to Bella’s forehead for the briefest instant. Her eyes closed.
"Take care of yourself," 5. Restless Nights
My gloom had started long before I made the decision to leave Bella. The anticipation, the fear I had for her pain….but it had to be done. As I race as far away as I can from my only love, I begin drowning in what seemed like eternal darkness. This had never occurred to me, yet again I had never been in love, I hadn’t even figured I had such feelings. Love, what a surprise it was that I didn’t lose the ability to feel anything rather than pain and self pity. I feel as if tears roll down my face but such can't be, vampires can't cry, and yet I was. This feels odd, a tearless weep that does not slow me down. For I need to get away, it will be safer for her, and easier for me not to turn around, if that could ever be easy.
My family had warned me about being away from the one you crave, foolish me, thinking it would get bearable after I left. Indeed idiotic. It’s excruciating and I’m not even a town away. Oh, why can't I shut down my thoughts? Why can't I just run? Stupid vampire brain! Oh, perfect and now I start sounding like Bella...perfect. Even the memory of her name is insufferable. I’m heading east. I’ll probably swim to Peru or Brazil, wherever Victoria’s track leads. Why does my mind continue to ramble? The pain is agonizing enough to put a human in shock; all I wish is to be numb. It’s impossible to shut down.
My family had been suffering due to my pain and since I couldn’t make myself look normal I decided to leave. I did not have the patience nor the interest in relieving my family’s ache. My own was enough to keep me busy for the next centuries. I felt for their pain, I did, but I couldn’t change my mood. Not so soon. Leaving was indeed best for everyone. I did not have to pretend (I didn’t any way), and my family is not suffering as much. Away from sight, away from the heart. Or at least I would like to think so.
I’ve started thinking again. I lost Victoria’s track and there is no point in thinking again and yet I am. I believe I’m in Mexico I wasn’t exactly paying attention to road signs and neither was she. As I enter my hotel room (Carlisle made sure I didn’t stay on the streets, which was my wish), which can feebly be called that, I throw myself on the bed. Mowing over my thirst.
I prohibited room service, the food would make me think of Bella, and since I don’t sleep I don’t need washed sheets. I couldn’t care less about the human charade now, I had better things to obsess about. The not sleeping part is immensely annoying due to the fact that I posses 24hours each day every day for the rest of my life; well existence, to drown and drift in my sorrow. Never being able to feel numb. I sink my face into the pillow and don’t resurface for two days.
My thirst is almost as unbearable as the pain. I do not dare to leave this room thought, I may kill someone on my way out, for I do not have the strength (mental) to stop my murderous rage. I’m considering a trip to the blood bank, I’d climb down the window at night and head over. I don’t think I can keep myself from draining the nurses thought. Human blood, not such a good idea. Better yet a hunting trip; letting my instincts rule me for some time, that ought to keep me busy and from the thought of going back to Bella, for a couple of minutes at least.
I gathered all my will power to get up, stop breathing and head to the nearest forest. As I walk in the streets, people keep staring at me. I shut their babbling thoughts out as best as I can. I must look awful, I haven’t cleaned myself in God knows how long, considering I’ve been running through forests and swimming up and down oceans) and I haven’t eaten since the week before I left Bella, my thirst would have killed me, were I still alive. When I left Bella, my heart stayed with her, all shreds of my soul stayed with the one they belonged to. The shreds I’ve been able to atone.
I need to think of my lost soul to keep myself from going into the murderous breakout I so want to prevent. I’m still not breathing. It makes it less impossible to resist the thick warm pulse that flows through every heart of every body of every pedestrian.
I ought to stop feeling sorry for myself, I’ve become the monster I tried to get away from for so many decades. Why couldn’t I forget? Why did I love Bella even more with every tick of the clock.
(somewhere…after the breakup)
If I were to die, to never inhale another molecule of her scent, I would want to. I can't do it though, besides it being awfully difficult to do it myself, my family does not comply with my plea, as well as, since being apart is ever so difficult, Bella learning of my death would mean to put and end to this gut wrenching situation, my death would cause her pain above all. For which I can't bare such an outcome.
If this was easy I’d have figured out a way by now; Death or otherwise.
I should just give up. Be the selfish creature that I am. Go back to the one I love, be happy and put her in harm’s way as usual. Though she did not deserve my selfishness, I feel I can't do anything else other than snivel, die or go back. I shall go with sobbing, that seems not very different from the point I’m at the moment.
I’d been tracking Victoria for weeks. Her gift to elude danger, that being myself at the time, is rather useful for her benefit and utterly frustrating, for myself, for my feeble attempts to follow her scent throughout board lines have yet again crumbled.
Without my concentration on the hunt, I had a lot more space in my mind to endure the misery I’ve let myself fall into for these last weeks. I wonder how Bella’s doing. Better off without me and the danger that follows my presence. Poor Bella, I didn’t wish for her pain. It hurt me to think of her distress. However if I did not think all of this distance were for her survival, I wouldn’t bear another second of my gut wrenching anguish.
My heart however, still feels like it were reduced to char. After my transformation, I thought there was nothing else to burn. Yet there was. Apparently my love caused something to spur inside. My soul had been almost wiped clean. My sins erased (almost) but now that had trodden, and all that’s left is void and ache. Ache for what’s not there anymore. My chest hurts though no heart is in turmoil. My body feels soared and numb though that cannot be for it is stone. 6. Victoria
She slipped up. Victoria had made a mistake. I caught her scent. I had promised myself I’d keep hunting, stop feeling sorry for myself and help Bella the way I could; eliminating the menace that threatened her. I turned to sniff again to make sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, how unlikely that would have been, she’s headed to south America, I can see now.
I followed her scent which lead me somewhere in Brazil, I wasn’t exactly paying attention to road signs, I’d much rather run in the bordering woods. Although it did keep my mind off divagating, at least there weren’t car rental guys I had to put up with. My murderous mood was severe enough and I was nowhere near controlled enough to be near humans, or their minds. That reminded me I had’t eaten in way too long. If I, by any chance, crossed paths with a human I didn’t think I could control my thirst. Whatever, I’d deal with it, nothing can be harder than that first day of the rest of my existence.
The first moment I caught my Bella’s scent. Oh and here I go again with the memories, I’m such a masochist. Why won’t I stop already? Geez there’s definitely something wrong with me. Besides being a vampire who fell in love with a human. I should see a vampire shrink. Ha-ha! I’m in a pleasant mood today. My jokes have diminished in quality due to my latest suicidal tendencies. This is getting stupid, I wish there was something else to do rather than run. I need to occupy my time.
Victoria’s track came to an end. She must be nearby. At last, I shall destroy the one that caused so much turmoil. If that even begins to sum it up. If I’d destroy Victoria I could go back to my Bella. That is if she’d want be back. I did break her heart. I do not deserve pardon. I love her so much. I crave her company, the sight of those blushed cheeks, the brilliancy of her smile, the radiance of her mind (what she gives out, since I cannot hear her thoughts). Oh my Bella how I miss you!. Ok, back to sighing. I’m definitely bipolar today.
She would want me back. I should not think those things, the danger will never be over, I cannot bear her death. I cannot tolerate her pain. Nevertheless, I’m hurting her, and myself with the distance. We can't be apart, we belong together. No! That cannot be. She must move on. I have to let her live her life without these mythical, hazardous, and selfish monsters, I mean myself alone, for my family does not compare to what I’ve done in my past. If only I would achieve Victoria’s death, I could allow myself the dream (if I could sleep), I could wish to come back. I might be able to.
Oh happy thoughts, why do they make me hopeful. My eternity of murder and pain must have been enough to rip all the joy from my body. Why did I wish, why can I hope? I wish to die. I hope Bella forgets about me, and when she does, I wish for my death. There’s nothing left for me.
Why did Romeo come to mind? His last words as he prepared to meet Juliet in her grave, they do not apply, I do not have a last kiss, I do not have a last embrace.
“For fear of that, I still will stay with thee; And never from this palace of dim night Depart again: here, here will I remain With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here Will I set up my everlasting rest, And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss A dateless bargain to engrossing death! Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide! Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark! Here's to my love O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die”
Ignorant, hot headed Romeo, if you had waited, you’d be with the one you love. I had waited, my love would have died. I need to go back. I can't stand this any longer, it's eating me up. It hurts. I cannot, not while Victoria still breathes.
This ought to give me strength to endure the tracking, and the distance and the solitude, the sorrow. I truly miss Bella’s lips. I miss her heat, her hair, I miss her sleep and her dreams, I miss her so. Victoria had eluded me every single time I tried to catch up.
This should not be different. And yet it was. I can now feel her scent more strongly. I don’t know if it’s my imagination or my wish for this lead to be real, I could swear I feel it. Though I can't trust myself anymore.
During Bella’s absence:
When there’s no heart all you can rely on is your suicidal mind.
This is getting out of control. I can't take the longing, the smoldering, ripping thirst. I need to eat. My attention had been turned to the disgusting thoughts of a nomadic vampire. What a sick sadistic creature. He’s not worthy of causing such pain. Not even to his prey. Poor creature, poor lady. If my heart had been alive it would have felt pity for her. It isn’t though. All the feelings I posess right now are of anger, repressed, illogical, warm, powerful rage. I will kill this vampire. He’s not worthy of stepping on the same earth as Bella does every day.
I can’t let him move his hunting grounds so close to Forks. I can't let him near Bella. I do think that even before he gave away his destination, my mind had already settled into destroying him. Not because of the filthy things he was considering doing to the nice accountant.
I can't even excuse my long lasting pursuit of becoming the hero. I want to kill him just because. I need to feel something outside this pain. It’s driving me insane! I can't keep this up. I need the pleasure of the hunt. I need to feel his warm venom blood leaving his body. I need and I will. … I catch him off guard. What a grim vampire, the human’s blood isn’t enough for him, he wants her virtue as well. Poor human. I do hope I can control myself. My thirst is beyond all thresholds of pain. I don’t wish to spill human blood. The immortal’s will be enough.
Samuel-that is his name-was truly surprised to see a vampire turn against his own species. Oh well, I guess he won’t satisfy my need for a clash. He is not a good opponent, he lacks the offensive skills due to the fact of being too busy mirroring his own perfect self.
I behead him far too soon. I can't stand to watch his misery, he prayed for death to come, so I delivered it. Too quickly for my own satisfaction. Gladly, the woman - Cathy - was long gone before she got to witness my display of superhuman powers. Would have been quite thrilling to watch it through her bewildered eyes. She was close to home though. I hope she calls the police then I would have an excuse to keep myself from chasing her.
I carry Samuel’s limbs swiftly through the empty night covered street, until I reach the trees. I dug up a pit, threw his ripped body into it and scorch the bloodless thing. The scent of the smoke always repulses me dearly, I cringe from it. He tasted pretty awful I still prefer deer to cannibalism, but at least my thirst is bearable.
All my years dedicated to work on my manners have crumbled. Sense the sarcasm in the statement manners... Yeah right, that dreadful vampire had none whatsoever, why sould I? Why do I need to make the effort? I need destruction. It felt amazing to kill and rip apart that vampire. It wouldn’t have mattered if he had been innocent; If any vampire can be so. I just need to drain my energy. Somewhere, with anyone, with anything.
I have found the solution to my murderous rage. It won’t last long and it is neither effective nor acceptable. My conscience says it is so. It will do its part soon enough. But for now I can still feel the buzz of having someone’s-or something’s- blood on my hands. His unmoving heart lingered in my closed hands. His silence felt wrong, I am so used to Bella’s heartbeats, I’m synchronized with them. Or was…
He actually tasted better than usual, not that I spend my free time annihilating my race, but in terms of comparison James’ venom blood tasted worse than Samuel’s. I would consider all those crimes would turn his venom blood into soaked mud, but they didn’t.
Apparently, raping human girls, which culminates on then being slashed open beyond recognition, and killing his peer, Lionel, that had made the crime of trusting him, only makes one’s blood that more worth spilling. Good for me, ghastly for him.
I cannot believe how my mind did not leave the image of Bella, and her merciful voice throughout the assassination. Vampire’s minds can be utterly inconvenient, when all one prays for, if there were any God that would allow the existence of such creatures and that could atone my sins and my pain- is to forget. To never have felt. To never have breathed. However, even if I hadn’t met Bella I would still miss her. A part of me would always feel incomplete as it is, as I speak.
The body is dust now and I’m getting melodramatic, starting the endless sobbing. Time to go home. Well, my hotel room anyway. My home is long lost. Now that I think of it, had I seen the resemblance between the woman and Bella before, I would have had a good excuse for killing him but I don’t.
Cathy’s appearance resembles Bella’s, they share the same hair color, the same blushed cheeks, however Cathy’s were burgundy with dread. Cathy’s eyes, these have nothing to do with Bella’s, no mortal eyes can have such depth not even immortal ones, always crimson with rage, topaz with sacrifice or dark with hunger, never deep, never meaningful, never blissful, never Bella’s. No eyes can reach such intensity, such kindness. Her eyes truly reflect her soul and it is beautiful. 7.Vampiric Melodrama
What the bloody hell is happening to me? I’M TOTALLY useless, and utterly depressed. What a funny thought. A depressed vampire-funny had the case not been the present- as if I could move my muscles, as if I could blink. My mind seems to be the only part of my body that is still working at full speed. I had been able to go numb for quite some time, but I don’t know how I did that so I can't go back.
I haven’t moved in two weeks and I don’t plan to do so. I’m sitting on a sofa in front of the TV, which I never turned on. The lights are out. The curtains closed. I’m in complete darkness, and yet I can see as if the sun were at my shoulder. All I see is her face, her blushed cheeks, her chocolate hair and I can almost feel her scent filling my willing nostrils-not as a memory- I can feel it revolving around my body, tightening my unmoving muscles.
The mere memory- or whatever you wish to call it-of her scent makes my throat burst into flames. However, my body recoils from the mere thought of tasting her blood again. So I remain as I always have been; still. The idiotic cleaning lady keeps pounding on the door. That was what arose me from my inner darkness/numbness/coma. I can't even find the right words. I give up.
Her scent was what ripped me from my inert state. A human. I can hear her pulse racing as her frustration takes over her. I shall not be moved. I will not open the door. I will not kill her, nor will I rip her throat and feast on her warm thick blood. I won’t, but I want to. So bloody much. My eyes have turned to their dark selves. It has been two weeks since my cannibal act. Mind over matter and the lady survives another day. In this case, mind over the dimwitted lady with the appealing blood that cannot follow rules and insists on worrying about my health. 8.Going to the Volturi:
…. Aro takes my raised hand and I watch in his mind what he’s taking from mine. He sees all my memories, all my emotions, all my sins. He focuses on the memories I had of Carlisle, Aro misses him truly. Then he goes through the time when I hunted criminals. He enjoyed hearing their minds, how they worked, the pain they caused their victims and he specifically lingered on their lack of remorse. His reaction to those memories utterly disgusted me. He was entirely entertained with other people’s misery.
He then went through my family’s thoughts, he found Alice’s gift rather interesting (as I feared). He was surprised by Jasper’s past as well as his ability to control emotions.
Aro thought of the battles The Volturi would easily win with my family’s abilities (and my own). But I wasn’t willing to give him that. The only reason I agreed to touch him was for him to accept my request to end my existence, and this had been his condition; To hear all my thoughts and everyone’s I have ever encountered. -“To confirm that this is a wise decision, however regretful”- That was his statement. If that was what it took I would have gladly accepted (as I ended up doing). However, I was convinced he wouldn’t give in so easily. He has been very careful with his train of thought so he would lead me to the right outcome (give in to his condition, and share all the thoughts I held).
The reason why he won´t probably kill me is because I’m useful to him. This was going on in the back of my brain because the scrutiny hadn’t terminated, not yet,not for a long time. After he was done with my family, he took his time watching or better said hearing my memories of Bella ( I forced that part of my brain to shut down. To go numb. So I could think clearly-as much as possible- so every reference to that person and especially the resurfacing of my memories of her threatened to reopen the flesh wound that ran bone deep by now. It had time to consume the most part of me. That was no surprise, I knew what was in stored. I had to try. I had to save her. Look were that got me… she’s dead and the earth will never smell as sweet. The sun will never shine as bright again. Not after the most perfect angel of all had succumbed…
That part was not as numbed as I’d assumed, pain writhed through me and I was barely able to stand on my otherwise secure feet. Aro didn’t seem to notice the sudden morbidity present in my thoughts. Aro kept on analyzing Bella. His reaction, as he understood the full length of our love, was of absolute surprise. It would have been of disbelief hadn’t he just seen the proof.
“Edward”-he calmly said-“I never thought she meant that much to you… La tua cantante”. His tone was getting higher as he realized-“and you didn’t kill her. That’s such..” “A waste”- I finished his sentence and his thought- “you won’t ask me to explain how I feel about her. And what her death did to me will you?”
“ Certainly not. Forgive my outburst. The only reason we’re doing this out loud is because of my brothers” Caius and Marcus did not care, they weren’t even paying attention. But Aro liked his theatrics so I satisfied him. Why not make the decision a bit easier?! - “Your mind made that utterly clear. But still I’m very surprised.”
“ I know” I answered hiding my slight frustration for his stalling. Why wouldn’t he give me an answer already, he was still processing his decision (or so he made it seen). His mind was trained to perfection -centuries of practice and boredom are very useful to develop one’s brain, especially with an extra ability- he only let me access the thoughts he wanted. And I expected no less.
“Of course you do. How terribly inconvenient of me.” He apologized with no meaning attached, pure curiosity and stalling process -“I’m sorry Edward. For her loss I mean. I truly am”- And he was. Not in terms of feeling for her, or me, but merely because it would have been easier to convince me to join his guard, had Bella been alive,(or so he thought. He believed in time I would come to terms with my destiny and agree to become a tool of destruction for their quest for power. I didn’t bother answering.
“Thank you Edward that was illuminating” – Aro spoke, and let go of my hand. I was finally able to keep my thoughts to myself. I was wondering now when would Aro decide to speak his decision. I knew what it was and was trying my best to keep my composure. I had to find another way to die.
“Edward, I know the agony you’re feeling right now, I could have almost felt it myself. The pain you’ve felt for the last four months. I wouldn’t have believed anyone vampire or mortal, could endure so long with such a void in their chests. That black hole that sucks everything, your life force, your happiness, if you did feel any, even without your throbbing, the agony you’ve felt is way beyond my comprehension, since I do not know what it feels like to have taken what I never had. I won’t congratulate you for surviving, that would seem like it was a contest. You know my thoughts. Enough said”
Finally! A response. I thought the moment of truth (for everyone else in the room apart from myself) would feel final. An ending not to my existence. To the pain at least, but that obviously didnt happen. When did life start being fair for anyone? I knew the answer and it wasn’t what I wished for.
“I’m sorry to tell you that we won’t take your life. I would be wrong to do so. You have committed no crime. Your plea and your feelings won’t change the law. I feel for you, but my answer remains the same. No. I’m sorry Edward, you’ll have to find another way to die. I would much rather if you didn’t. I would beg if It made any difference. As I have heard your mind, that won’t apply so I won’t even bother inviting you again. Your mind is settled. Still… such a waste!” No surprise there, and yet I felt as if my last resort had crumbled.
I left the castle. What now?! I have no one else to ask for my demise. I´ll have to be creative. Break the law and pay the consequences with my life. Fortunately, the Volturi weren’t fans of trials. This would be fast.
Should I feed on someone in plain daylight, in the middle of Volterra’s square? That ought to make the Volturi act. But I wasn’t going to kill innocents and I didn’t want to let Carlisle down. Not in the end. I won’t kill humans. Period.
I have to find a way that I alone get killed in the process. I couldn’t live with myself If I took another human life. Bella was the last person I’d killed; I plan to keep it that way. The mere act of remembering her name hurts more than I could have ever imagined. It aches, as if the crack in my chest, besides burning, would start to create glass splinters in my flesh, every time I get a glimpse of her, of anything to do with her, whatever thing that even resembles her, reminds me of her, it aches because I deserve this. The pain only gets worse, as if someone can describe my agony! There are no words. For no one has ever felt like this before. A human would’ve died a long time ago and a vampire wouldn’t love a human in the first place so they would never lose their life partner (as If anyone can call that to what me and Bella were) 9. Midday - part one
It was nearly midday and I was ready to face my death. Without Bella, life was meaningless, for she was my reason, my heart, my soul I could not live thinking that my perfect angel no longer existed, there is no point enduring in this world without the one you love.
Distance was indeed way too much to handle but this; knowing that she no longer walked this earth, that was much harder; I couldn´t exist for another second. I need to go to her, find her in heaven. I would climb the gates of hell just to see her face again, just to breathe her scent which no longer made my thirst unbearable, now that sweet innocent scent makes me love her with every cell in my body. That is why it has come to this. That is why I must be killed.
I´m sorry my love, I couldn´t save you, I should have done something, anything to prevent you from loving me, but I wasn´t strong enough. I was too selfish. I needed my Bella to love me as I loved her. It would have saved her but I could never do that. Oh why was I born?! Why didn´t I die a century ago?! I don´t deserve the love she gave me. I´m a monster, a selfish murderer, a weak excuse for a night creature. I deserve to suffer, for hurting my beautiful Bella, I don´t seek forgiveness, for it can never be granted. My life no longer exists so nor shall my existence.
From my peripheral vision I got a glimpse of two black long cloaks. The Volturi guard is waiting to murder me. Good, this shall be fast. At the second toll of the clock I stepped forward. As I walk into Volterra´s sunlight I feel something grabbing my chest, as I open my eyes I see my Bella ,“Amazing, Carlisle was right” and there I was in heaven holding Bella in my arms. I could not believe my soul deserved to be in heaven. How were my sins forgiven?! Nothing mattered, I would be with Bella forever.
"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing-they're very good," As I press my lips to Bella´s hair, I inhale the scent that once made me a killer, but now it could only make me feel as if the most amazing perfume had just entered my nostrils. That scent was as beautiful as its owner, the one I would love for all eternity. The one I hurt ever so deeply and was still willing to be held by me, the creature that broke her, that made her doubt herself and the love I felt for her. To this day I cannot believe I had the strength to keep away for so many months, every second felt excruciating as if nothing would ease the pain no matter how much I fought to forget. If this was heaven how could I be in it?
The line from Romeo and Juliet, when he was at his tomb, appeared in my mind and I voiced it without realizing "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty,"
"You smell just exactly the same as always," I went on. "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it." This was so unreal that I could almost doubt it, but I could feel Bella in my arms so it must be heaven, or hell either way .I had prayed for the pain to numb, for myself to be kept from feeling a thing. But this, how could I have ever imagined that death would be so peaceful, it is so unfair. I did not deserve to be happy again. For all the pain I´d caused I should have rotten in hell, and I would be grateful for it. In that case Bella would no longer suffer. If I was away, and having my punishment. But I didn´t. Why was God being so kind to me?! My sins alone should condemn me to hell, though I am here, holding my true and only love in my arms. I know I do not deserve it, but I am, utterly and immensely joyful, if such words can describe the immensitude of my feelings right now.
"I'm not dead," she interrupted my train of thought. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!" I could barely speak. My confusion, growing by each word my love spoke. "What was that?" I asked as politely as I could considering my shock.
"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-" Bella spoke these words and suddenly I realized what she´d been trying to tell me. I wasn´t dead, and neither was she. What of that?! I remember Jacobs words as if they were being spoken this instant: “Charlie´s at the funeral”- what other funeral was he referring to? I saw Bella jump in Alice´s vision, she could not be alive. And yet she was…
I yanked Bella from our embrace on the edge of the shadows, and spinned her so that her back was against the brick wall. I instantly spread my arms wide to protect her from the two dark shapes that were approaching. "Greetings, gentlemen," I greet, my voice a trained mask to cover all shreds of emotion, only to present the politeness and pleasantness required. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters." I calmly added. "Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" a smooth voice whispered menacingly.
"I don't believe that will be necessary." I slipped! My voice was harder now, I couldn’t act properly in these conditions, not with Bella behind me, fearing for both our lives, but hers was the only one I cared about. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."
"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," the other shadow said in a soothing tone. They were both concealed within smoky gray cloaks that reached to the ground and undulated in the wind. "Let us seek better cover."
"I'll be right behind you," I said dryly to the guards, not having the patience to pretend anymore. I turn around -"Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"
"No, bring the girl," the first shadow said, somehow injecting a leer into his whisper.
"I don't think so." The pretense of civility disappeared. My voice was flat and icy. Politeness wouldn´t make a difference right now, so I gave up my facade entirely. I shifted my weight infinitesimally, as I prepared to fight.
"No." Bella mouthed the word.
"Shh," I murmured only for her.
"Felix," the second, more reasonable shadow cautioned. "Not here." He turned to me. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."
"Certainly," I agreed. '"But the girl goes free."
"I'm afraid that's not possible," the polite shadow said regretfully. "We do have rules to obey."
"Then I'm afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."
"That's just fine," Felix purred. His size reminded me of Emmett.
"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed.
"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I replied, sick of the false politeness.
Felix and Demetri did as usual in an ambush, they stole closer toward the mouth of the alley, spreading out slightly so they could come at me from two sides, thus avoiding any scene I may had thought of causing. It didn´t apply anymore, Bella was alive and I did not wish to die anymore, now was just a matter of making them see that, and avoiding Aro´s meeting which would probably end up with me never leaving Italy, either dead or the new Volturi addition, to their collection of gifted vampires.
I didn´t move. I couldn´t. Not with Bella behind me, she didn´t matter to them. They would simply kill her in the safety of the shadows, and force me to my meeting with Aro, and all of this, done so effortlessly and quickly, that no human eye would follow the movements, and understand their results.
"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" a lilting voice suggested. "There are ladies present." Alice came to my side, showing me the inevitability of our meeting with Aro, as I feared. "We're not alone," she reminded them.
Demetri glanced over his shoulder. A few yards into the square, the little family, with the girls in their red dresses, was watching us. The mother was speaking urgently to her husband, her eyes on the five of us. She looked away when Demetri met her gaze. The man walked a few steps farther into the plaza, and tapped one of the red-blazered men on the shoulder.
Demetri shook his head. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," he said.
"Let's," I agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."
Demetri sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately."
Six men in red now joined the family as they watched us with anxious expressions. I was still in a protective stance in front of Bella. I had heard the family’s thoughts, they were considering calling the police, and their version of the facts was completely off, but still, that would be enough for us to get a chance to leave Volterra without attending to Aro´s meeting, as if anyone can call it that. This was just the way he found to try to convince me to join his family. Apparently my ability was a desired addition to his collection, and it has been so for a long time. My teeth came together audibly. "No."
Felix smiled.
"Enough."
The voice was high, reedy, and came from behind us.
"Jane," I sighed in recognition and resignation. Felix and Demetri relaxed immediately, stepping back from their offensive positions to blend again with the shadows of the overhanging walls.
I dropped my arms and relaxed my position as well-but in defeat.
Jane was as tiny as Alice, with lank, pale brown hair trimmed short. Her body under the dark, almost black cloak, was slim and androgynous; she was turned as a child so her body remained at the age of 10,or so. "Follow me," Jane spoke again, her childish voice monotone. She turned her back on us and drifted silently into the dark.
Felix gestured for us to go first, smirking.
Alice walked after the little Jane at once. I wrapped my arm around Bella´s waist and pulled her along beside me. The alley angled slightly downward as it narrowed.
"Well, Alice," I said conversationally as we walked. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."
"It was my mistake," Alice answered in the same tone. "It was my job to set it right."
"What happened?" my voice was polite, I tried to seem barely interested, I didn´t want to let Jane know the extent of my interest in Bella (if anyone can call it that), or she would use that against me.
"It's a long story." Alice's eyes flickered toward Bella and away. "In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."
I had been paying the utmost attention to Alice´s thoughts as she put me up-to-date with the werewolves’ situation, the adrenaline effect in Bella, which caused her to hear my voice, the result that my absence caused, and most of all, Bella´s reaction to my decision to kill myself. She had believed my lie, she thought I didn’t love her anymore. How could she believe that? After all the times I told her I loved her, I thought I had proved myself, did she have that little confidence in herself? How she would believe the first time I said otherwise, I did not expect that.
"Hm," I said curtly, unable to voice anything else. And the casual tone of my voice was gone. There was a loose curve to the alley, still slanting downward, and a squared-off dead end coming, until we reached the flat, windowless, brick face.
"It's all right, Bella," I said in a low voice. "Alice will catch you."-As I realized Bella had just seen the hole in which she would have to jump.
"Alice?" She whispered, voice trembling. "I'm right here, Bella," Alice reassured her. Her voice came from too far below to make Bella feel better, as far as I could tell.
I took her wrists and lowered her into the blackness. “Ready?” I asked Alice. “Drop her” She replied.
After Bella, I jumped down the hole, and as I reached the floor next to her, I put my arm around her, holding her close to my side, and I began to tow her swiftly forward. Bella wrapped both arms around my cold waist, and tripped and stumbled her way across the uneven stone surface.
I was listening to Alice´s fearing thoughts. She missed Jasper, but I understood immediately why she hadn´t brought him, she loves him as I love Bella, so she could not risk his life. If the whole family had come to Volterra to try to stop my death, they would have died in the process, and that she couldn’t live with. I see how she regrets putting Bella in danger, but I understand her reason. She loves me and Bella and our pain is her pain(in a lesser scale but still more than anyone could handle by themselves). She had to do something to make up for her mistake, even though it wasn´t her fault, neither it was Bella´s. I am the one responsible for all this mess. If I had never put Bella in danger by loving her. If I had never left, thus causing her to put herself in the hands of unstable and unreliable wolves for protection... If I wasn´t so eager to kill myself before making sure that Bella was indeed dead... But we can´t change the past. I can only try to prevent the future, which consists in our death.
I broke my train of thoughts, and came back to reality. I held Bella´s face in my hand, to try to comfort her, and apologize, she seemed so frail and scared, but not only for herself, I believe she feared for my life; after all I had put her through she still loved me just as much as the day I broke heart. I was so sorry for Alice´s memory of the state Bella was in when she got to her place. It made me shudder. Poor Bella, I felt so unbelievably guilty. I don’t think I will ever be able to fix the hole I left in her chest. My hole seems to have magically patched itself up, the moment I got a glimpse of her body. I had missed her so. I was so selfish, drowning myself in pain, I did not stop to think of hers, she was suffering nearly as much as I was, and that for a human is almost impossible to abide, and live to tell the tale. I have just realized how selfish I really was, I didn’t even make any attempt to try to seem normal, I got away from my family, I ran away. But Bella didn’t, she was able to put herself together and pretend to be normal. She was so brave, I was truly impressed. First, I never thought it would be this bad, but every tick of the clock was more excruciating than the one before. I simply sank into darkness, only surfacing to my death that ended up not happening.
I stopped my rambling thoughts that felt like an eternity, but only a couple of minutes had passed. I refocused on Bella, this would most likely be our last moment together. The sadness overwhelmed me but I didn’t let it show, not only because of the surrounding vampires that watched our every move, but also for it would be worse for Bella, she had been through hell and back, she didn’t need to be burdened my anguish. I ever so gently started caressing her hair, I passed my thumb along her jaw, and then, as if it were our last moment on this earth, I pressed my lips to her forehead and inhaled her sweet scent that I had missed to a great extent. Why were we such doomed lovers, it seems that I now understand Romeo, I was just as foolish as he was, and hotheaded is not one of the main characteristics of a vampire, but I guess neither is falling in love with a human. 9. Midday - part two
I suddenly felt Bella´s pulse racing, she must be claustrophobic, I wasn´t really paying attention to our surroundings, those weren’t the memories I wanted to keep in my mind when I die. I just shoved everything into the background of my brain except for Bella´s touch, and my ramblings.
The path beneath our feet continued to slant downward, taking us deeper into the ground, I couldn't tell where the light was coming from, but it slowly turned dark gray instead of black. We were in a low, arched tunnel. Long trails of ebony moisture seeped down the gray stones, like they were bleeding ink.
I kept my hand in motion, soothing Bella´s face, and her pulse returned to normal (within the standard raced beating, due to my presence), she seemed rather composed, considering, but that’s just like Bella she worries about everyone else but herself. But, as if to contradict my thoughts, she started shaking, but not out of fear, her teeth started to chatter, her clothes were still wet, and the temperature underneath the city was wintry, as was my skin, at least to her touch. I let go of her keeping only her hand.
"N-n-no," she chattered. She too must have realized that these were our last moments together, and she would rather freeze, than let go of me.
The feeling was mutual. I chafed against her arm, trying to warm her with the friction.
Felix was irritated by Bella´s slow progression, and sighed once in a while. We were hurried through the tunnel. At the end of the tunnel was a grate - the iron bars were rusting, but thick as my arm. A small door made of thinner, interlaced bars was standing open. I ducked through and hurried on to a larger, brighter stone room. The grill slammed shut with a clang, followed by the snap of a lock.
On the other side of the long room was a low, heavy wooden door. It was very thick-as I could tell because it, too, stood open.
As I looked around, I was swarmed with thoughts, loud as ever, the guards, and a couple of vampires were just going over memories and affairs, uninteresting petty thoughts that required no attention, but as I heard a particular thought, I tensed and my jaw clenched tight. Nora´s POV-Edward’s psycho stalker
I’ve been tracking Edward for years now. Never had the courage to tell him how much I loved him. How I drink his words even though they’re not directed at me. His love belongs to Bella. That ordinary and uninteresting mortal doesn’t know how to treasure him. Her heart can't afford to hold the same intense and overwhelming feeling mines does. Hers would combust. Bella cannot know how much stronger vampires feel. It’s ridiculous to think Edward has given his soul to her. She’s nothing but a pet. He’ll grow tired of her and then, a few decades from now I’ll be his. Forever. In the true meaning of the word not the ludicrous definition that mortal seems to give to it. He’ll be mine. We’ll be happy. Bella’s heart may beat for Edward yet mine was stopped by him. It was twenty years ago. I was a horrid criminal. I had murdered all my family and every man in my life. Edward had showed me love when he drank from me. His lips gave me divine pardon. I was forgiven for all sins. He made me repent. I remember what he said to me as if he was whispering it to my ear as I speak: -“You don’t deserve to live Nora. I’ve seen your thoughts. You wished me dead. You were to murder me and yet you needn’t any reason for it. You never spoke to me even. This was the first time you saw me but I have been watching you. Your nightmares tell quite the horrid story. You would have killed me as you did for so many innocent lives. I’ve watched what happened to you all those nights when you were just a child. He did cruel things to you. Your scars are the proof of that and yet to bear them as if they were trophies, reminding you that the pain you inflict is justice and not murder. You are wrong Nora. You’ve killed the monster so many years ago. Why didn’t you stop then? I can see your memories are all you wish to forget and yet you don’t allow yourself that. You’re haunted. When you kill, the adrenaline makes you forget. The power that flows through your veins is only momentary. That’s why you do it. Again and again. The memories become so vivid. How have you not considered to end your life? Ow I can see you have. All you want is not to think. To be numb. I’m looking for the same. I need to feed my monster and I all I can do to ease my soul is to take another with me. You are the chosen one for tonight Nora. Once I’ve drained you all your memories will become mine and both our souls will be at peace. Mine because I rid the world of a murderous monster and yours because you won’t feel pain again. As he bites down my neck I can faintly see someone approaching. It was so fast I thought I was dreaming but then the pain came and I knew I was broad awake. My savior was being taken away by a shrouded figure and they left me there, writhing in pain. I didn’t allow myself to black out. My repentant would want me to suffer for all the lives I’d taken. I would endure my punishment through. Edward had searched for me as soon s he could. He had told me he didn’t wish to turn me to an immortal. He felt it was a far worse fate then the one he had thought to give me. He had searched in my mind for those murderous feelings but all he found was peace. I was free from my demons. I was a new person. Edward had given me the best gift in the world. He cleansed my soul from evil. Yet he wouldn’t admit to his endowment and still thought death to be the better fate. He offered to end my immortality. I obviously refused. I was broad awake to a new and happy life. I was free I was in love I had a savior. I wasn’t going to throw that out. He then asked me to kill him. Rip him apart and burn the pieces. I was horrified. I would have cried if my body still had the ability to produce tears. He truly believed he was a monster. Poor Edward always the masochist never the . I would have kicked him if he didn’t look so desperate. I truly couldn’t see what he was going on about eternal damnation. As far as I could tell I had neither family nor friend to watch die. I’d killed them. So hum….next item on your list Edward? Did you forget the ex. murderer part? This is freaking Eden if you ask me. I’m pretty sure he growled at my latter thought but what can I do. He’s listening in on every thought I have. Of course I’m going to say (or think) something that annoys him. Edward warned me about the Volturi and all I needed to know to live forever unnoticed. He taught me how to survive on the blood of animals and I can proudly say I’ve never taken another human life ever since he gave me the kiss of death. Or it would have been hadn’t Carlisle stopped him from ending my existence. I obeyed Edward for both our sakes. I knew he’d forever regret having turned me, accidently or not. I tried my best not to fail him. I wouldn’t cause him pain. Not to my love. Never to Edward. When we had lived together in this manor, away from any civilization I would be careful were my thoughts leaded when he was around but I couldn’t help myself. I was deeply in love with him. He never asked me about it nor told me to stop. He simply made it seem like he didn’t listen. Well obviously he did and that was probably why he left me after only one year. Suddenly I was all alone and my maker left to go back to his family. It was so heartbreaking if it were possible for a dead heart to break. I was devastated and kept thinking why he wouldn’t love me back. Was there something wrong with me. I had an ability just like his. I was psychokinetic he felt normal around me. We both had mind control abilities he just refused to expand his. I’d seen what he could do. If he wished he could put a thought in anyone’s mind and they’d believe it was theirs. The possibilities to his powers were infinite and yet he still wished to die. He still left me. I still don’t understand why. He didn’t have to pretend around me. We were perfect. He had made me perfect. I was his first. Bella could never take that from me. His lips were in my neck first. He is my creator. We’re bound by venom and blood. She will never have what we have. I owe him my soul, my life, my new ability. My soul is a part of him and his venom a part of me. He can't deny that. Bella doesn’t even know of my existence. I’ll wait for her to die and then I’ll be with Edward. Or perfect forever. He’ll learn to love me. I’ll comfort him for the loss of that monotonous mortal and he’ll take me back. Edward will be mine. Edward’s POV
Nora:
Nora Ridley Jones had never been a regular child. She started showing anti-social signs when she was five years old. Her first day at school was, let us say a catastrophe. She ended up gouging another girl’s eye because she had said Nora was weird. This was true. She presented herself with messing nest-like orange hair and ratty old incredibly stained clothes. Her parents had died in a mysterious fire only months before her first day at school, May 13th 1953 in a little school in West Virginia. She was given to her uncle like a piece of furniture. Child services at that time cared less if the creature she called Uncle Tom was a perfidious rapist. She endured night after traumatizing night as her hunger for justice grew wider every second she spent tied up in her bed clenching her fists and her eyes tight letting her mind drift into unconsciousness with the force of the blows Uncle Tom inflicted every time she cried to yelled. He wanted her to lie still and the only way was for her to be passed out which he was more than please to assure. Once Uncle Tom was done with the five year old child he would kiss her on the forehead and say:
“See you tomorrow night Nora.”
Nora would silently cry herself to sleep every night for eight years. Uncle Tom was regularly called to her Principal’s Office for she would beat up every little boy in the play ground. The most serious fight was when she was twelve and this stupid child her age called Bob tried to touch her breasts. She flipped out and broke his nose with her knee. He was sent in an ambulance to the hospital and she was grounded for two weeks. Her uncle assured the Principal she would learn her lesson that violence was always the wrong path to lead. Which I might say was a lesson fun to watch being taught. When Nora came home after that day at school her Uncle was waiting for her in her bedroom. He was only wearing a robe and had his belt clenched in one hand. She knew what was coming and yet had nowhere to run. No one would believe dear old Uncle Tom had been molesting a child for eight years and no one ever discovered. He was so polite and sharply dressed. It was the devil child’s fault. She had killed her parents on the fire. She was such a burden to Tom. He was a saint for taking her in. That was what everyone always says. It’s painful to assist to people’s stupidity. How can they be so blind? It’s ridiculous how people tell themselves it's okay there’s nothing wrong. We shouldn’t mess with other people’s lives.
Nora was grabbed and tossed to her bed like a rag. She tried to fight as she always did. She tried to scream but her mouth was gagged by a repulsive cloth. Her hands were cuffed to each side of the bed as well as her feet. Her uncle liked that sometimes. When he was feeling powerful he wanted her to watch and be aware of him inside of her. He started getting hard as she was utterly helpless terrified. He stepped back to admire her. Nora was so pure and yet soiled over and over again. He started undressing her. First he unbuttoned her shirt and then her trousers. As she lied naked and struggling against her binds he achieved his full height. He took off his robe and began caressing himself. As he approached Nora’s bed she struggled and tried to kick him but to no avail. She was tightly cuffed and what was coming was inevitable. He inserted a finger into her and she nearly vomited from revulsion. He passed his tongue along her stomach going towards her breasts. She tried to get him off of her yet he was too strong and punched her in the face. She welcomed the pain. It eased the loathing of the moment. He was now on top of her and about to thrust into her. He let out a chuckle and said:
Violence can only be given by me. You are not allowed to inflict it on your colleagues or else you will pay. Instead of letting you sleep alone I will make up sleep in my bed. You will be tied to my bed frame and I will do what I please with you. Do you understand? Dare causing me trouble with your Principal and I will show you how inventive I can be with your naked body.
Setting: Edward has been gone for very long. Nora has this fantasy/hallucination with him. It's not quite a dream, since vampires don´t sleep, yet she is in this Zombie, grieving state, because of something Edward will explain latter on in this part. Thus her mind wanders. -----------"---------------
Edward's back with me. I can feel him climbing into bed. He whispers "I missed you" in my ear and his warm breath makes the little hair on the back of my neck jump up. It's as if all my body is welcoming him back. "Edward, I'm so happy you're here." "I know I can hear you loud and clear. What will happen if I put my hand here?" He wondered as he laid his right hand on my thigh. I was lying on a loose fetal position and hadn't turned around to see his face. I was allowing my other senses to note his presence. "How interesting! Your thoughts are wildly amusing!" He giggled and made my favourite crocked smile. " I just hope you make my thoughts reality, Edward, otherwise, you're teasing me for the sole purpose of getting your arse kicked!" "Nora you're so impatient." He grins as he turns me to face him. His face looked even more fantastic than my memory had it be. Not even my vampire abilities are able to sink in all his beauty. He's sitting on our fluffy beige bed. it has this sort of canopy all around it making it feel like a bird's nest for two hungry vampires. Edward's looking down at me with the look of sheer joy. We were long last reunited. He has missed me as much as I had him. All the misery he had put me through while he was gone was gone and replaced with pure fascination. He took my face in his hands as to apologise. There was no need for such thing yet this was Edward we were talking about. He considered that everything that went wrong in the world was his fault. He put his lips in mine, slowly, or as I could tell. Vampire definitions of velocity were a bit off when compared to all other creatures. I suppose this must have looked like a big blurb of motion. A lightning fast, fierce and passionate kiss to a human. It was exactly that however it lasted forever. His lips were thirsty for mine. His tongue craved mine, and we kissed. He tasted as sweet as ever. Much better than my memory had it be. It was a mix of lavender, citrus and bright floral. It was the best combination I'd ever tasted. Besides, it was his, therefore it would be my mission to worship everything that belonged to him. Which I did effortless. All that we suffered while we were apart was all but forgotten. As of that moment we were one. His hands remembered the way across my body just as his lips did. He held me as if never to let go. We wouldn't have to let go. We could go on like this. Never getting tired, only hungry for each other. We would eventually have to hunt but we could last weeks without nourishment. That was a good plan. To be with him for weeks. Such a happy thought. Edward agreed, I felt him smile as he kissed down my neck. He let his tongue leave a wet, venom filled pathway to my chest. He took his time on my breasts, caressing them, kissing and passing his tongue over and over again across my nipples leaving a jolt a electricity go through my entire body. Feeling as if I was being electrocuted. Although it did not hurt. Quite the contrary. As if all the electricity he was generating in me couldn't be held inside. As if I'd implode from the immense pleasure Edward was provoking me. His golden eyes glistened with sheer happiness. There was nothing else in the world he'd rather be doing. Nowhere he'd rather be. I was his. Forever... He left a wet trace from my chest down my ribs up to my belly button. He bit my hip until it bled and he drank from me. My venom, originally his, was deadly to everyone else and would leave a mark. Yet the same wouldn't happen on us. We shared venom and our systems took them as if they came from the same source. The bite mark would fade and I'd be left with marble skin once more. I was nearly stroking from so much pleasure. I grabbed Edward with a little too much force and got on top of him. It was my turn to tease him. He let out the most adorable giggle. He was so happy to be back. He had been miserable without me. He needed me to be happy. As I did him. I gazed at the breathtaking Greek god I had in front of me, that if I still breathed to stay alive. He was simply perfect. Incredibly majestic, unbelievably graceful for such a powerful creature. I was amazed at how amazing and modest he was. Edward was my world, my personal paradise. Mine. I couldn't help kissing his pale pink lips. He was mouthwatering and my knees felt as if they were shaking. His venom filled veins were visible thought his marble neck. They were pulsing with so much intensity one would think there was still a heart pumping. Our kind was as mysterious as the night to humans. For us it's simply the time of day that doesn't reflect our skin, at least the shine is not visible through mortal eyes. There are no mysteries for us. except each other. Edward laid there in all his glory. I was impelled to touch his perfectly sculpted chest and his biceps and his belly, with perfectly defined abs. I wanted to hold this image in my memory. It was glorious. I would have drool had Edward not woken me from my devious line of thought by his mischievous and amused giggle.
"You really think I'm that hot?" "Edward stop making fun of my thoughts. I cant help myself. you were gone for so long. I missed how the sun reflects your skin. Your glow is different from everyone else's. My memories couldn't stay true to your aura?" "I'm not making fun of you love. I just find it incredibly amusing that you want me as badly as I want you. Besides I like your glow much better than my own. The patterns the window light makes in your skin are lovely. I'm tempted to make those silly shadow forms on your back every time you're looking away. You're mesmerising my dear." "Edward shut up and continue were my line of thought was broken." And he did...Edward was about to... "Nora! Noraaaaa! Nora wake up! What on earth has happened to you?" I was snapped into reality just as my hallucination was getting interesting. That was the only time of the day I'd be sane and pleasant. When I had Edward in my mind. "Carlisle what do you want? I was having such a nice time" "Nora you cant go on like this. I know Edward and I put you through this situation but if you promise us to behave we'll let you out. You are either grieving or you shut the world out and lock yourself in your pathetic hallucinations." "They feel so real Carlisle. Your son left me with nothing. What am I supposed to do ?" "Move on with your life, Nora. Alice had a vision of you breaking out of Volturi's guards and doing something to end your existence taking innocent humans along. I just came here to stop you." "You still had plenty of time. I was only going on a killing spree once I was done with my dream. You had no reason to wake me up so soon." "Nora I'm worried. Besides the obvious innocent lives, I'm worried about you. All this time you haven't fed or gotten up from that bed. Moreover, Edward's shirt has probably lost all his smell since you've been sniffing it non.stop. You're going mental and I wish to help you. I know Edward is your maker and you love him but he doesn't feel the same way. It was my fault he turned you. I pulled him away and prevented him from killing you. I took him away from you and you burned alone. I'm terrible sorry for that but Edward loathes you for being a part of himself." His words barely broke my hallucination. I heard what Carlisle said yet all I could think was that he had been near Edward and he still had his scent on him. I was inhaling as much as I could from were I stood. Carlisle was right though. Edward's shirt was thought out of all his scent. It held mine now. That made me feel as if he was within me. That's why I hadn't taken it off. Edward wherever you are, if you can hear me please come back. I love you and if you don't come back to me I'll hunt humans until Demetri gets here, or whoever the Volturi send to get me. I want you back and my blood and that of the innocents will be in your hands. Come back EDWARD! I want you now!
Sex scene with Nora: Moonless Night:
Cursed be the day I set out to hunt for criminal minds. I ended up turning a psychopath into an even deadlier monster. Luckily she's fixated on me rather than some poor bastard. However for me that fact isn't as pleasant as you'd think. Every time she threatens to kill herself she does so by jeopardising the lives of countless others and that I shall not allow. We're bound by venom, whenever she screams for me in her mind I hear her loud and clear. I cant shut her out which was why I left in the first place. She had but one thought she couldn't play out by herself. Well, actually, she could and she would so very often. Yet it was all in her mind and when she would wake up from her delusions I'd have to change into another room. she didn't feel uncomfortable with me in her head. Quite the contrary. I felt repulsed by her fantasies and how unbelievably detailed they got. Living with her was my duty as her maker. I had to look after her. She had made me an ultimatum. If I were ever to leave her she would go after the closest school and drain children, teachers and janitors. Whoever crossed her path would be murdered. She was ruthless and she was obsessed with me. Eventually I had to leave. I was loosing my mental health as she kept draining my energy to prevent my flight. I asked Carlisle to make sure she behaved. Thus her came up with the idea of a vampire prison. He didn't like it yet he knew the situation all too well to let his humanity get to him. That prison consisted on a house, in a city, a perfectly normal place for just about anyone. The house was guarded by three vampires assigned by the Volturi who had been informed. She hadn't broken the law therefore she couldn't be terminated. Vampire laws didn't include the misuse of powers against each other. As long as no lives were lost she would have kept me in her energy field designed specially to prevent me from using my powers so she had me locked in her own asylum. To make sure she didn't break the Law she was kept there. I knew it was selfish of me to imprison someone so I could have my sanity back but honestly I was on the verge of ending my own life. She was merciless and if I refused to oblige she would give me pain. She would drain my energy nearly into the point of unconsciousness and then have it flow back with immense speed causing my limb to twitch as they were brought to life over and over again. Besides my mental ability would stay intact throughout the entire procedure and I'd have Nora mentally undress me and fantasising about having sex with me in a pool of dead man's blood.
That was too much for me to handle. I couldn't shut her down. I couldn't get away. If I left her she'd murder half the globe looking for me. Hence the only solution was to lock her up. However, the Volturi have grown tired of her and plan on ending her existence unless I claim her. No matter how much I despise her. I cant have her murdered. I gave her this curse. I'm the only one who has to lift it. This is why I came back. She has spent twenty years in that bed, in the same fetal position as when I left. With my grey shirt on. Playing the same hallucination over and over again. For two decades she lingered on the threshold of madness. The same she had me in while I was staying with her. She fed on artificial blood which blocked her powers and made her as strong as a mere human. She started aging as well. She was now appearing as if she were in her early 30ties rather than 19. I dint imagine how she'll react when I tell her I'm there to end her suffering. Will she thank me? Will she curse me? I dint reckon I'll be strong enough to do it. Yet it is my duty. I made her suffer all her life. I must show her mercy at last. Even tough she showed none to me. "Nora I'm home" |
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