Aro takes my raised hand and I watch in his mind what he’s taking from mine. He sees all my memories, all my emotions, all my sins. He focuses on the memories I had of Carlisle, Aro misses him truly. Then he goes through the time when I hunted criminals. He enjoyed hearing their minds, how they worked, the pain they caused their victims and he specifically lingered on their lack of remorse. His reaction to those memories utterly disgusted me. He was entirely entertained with other people’s misery.
He then went through my family’s thoughts, he found Alice’s gift rather interesting (as I feared). He was surprised by Jasper’s past as well as his ability to control emotions.
Aro thought of the battles The Volturi would easily win with my family’s abilities (and my own). But I wasn’t willing to give him that. The only reason I agreed to touch him was for him to accept my request to end my existence, and this had been his condition; To hear all my thoughts and everyone’s I have ever encountered. -“To confirm that this is a wise decision, however regretful”- That was his statement. If that was what it took I would have gladly accepted (as I ended up doing). However I was convinced he wouldn’t give in so easily. He has been very careful with his train of thought so he would lead me to the right outcome (give in to his condition, and share all the thoughts I held).
The reason why he won´t probably kill me is because I’m useful to him. This was going on the back of my brain because the scrutiny hadn’t terminated, not yet,not for a long time. After he was done with my family, he took his time watching or better said hearing my memories of Bella ( I forced that part of my brain to shut down. To go numb. So I could think clearly-as much as possible- so every reference to that person and specially the resurface of my memories of her threatened to re open the flesh wound that ran bone deep by now. It had time to consume the most part of me. That was no surprise I knew what was in stored. I had to try. I had to save her. Look were that got me…and her she’s dead earth will never smell as sweet. The sun will never shine as bright again. Not after the most perfect angel of all had succumbed…
That part was not has numbed as I’d assume pain writhed through me and I was barely able to stand on my otherwise secure feet. Aro didn’t seem to notice the sudden morbidity present in my thoughts.
Aro kept on analyzing Bella. His reaction, as he understood the full length of our love, was of absolute surprise. It would have been of disbelief hadn’t he just seen the proof.
“Edward”-he calmly said-“I never thought she meant that much to you… La tua cantante”. His tone was getting higher as he realized-“and you didn’t kill her. That’s such..”
“A waste”- I finished his sentence and his thought- “you won’t ask me to explain how I feel about her. And what her death did to me will you?”
“ Certainly not. Forgive my outburst. The only reason we’re doing this out loud is because of my brothers” Caius and Marcus did not care, they weren’t even paying attention. But Aro liked is theater so I satisfied him. Why not making the decision a bit easier?! - “Your mind made that utterly clear. But still I’m very surprised.”
“ I know” I answered hiding my slight frustration for his stalling. Why wouldn’t he give me an answer already, he was still processing his decision (or so he made it seen). His mind was trained to perfection -centuries of practice and boredom are very useful to develop one’s brain, especially with an extra ability.- he only let me access the thoughts he wanted. And I expected no less.
“Of course you do. How terribly inconvenient of me.” He apologized with no meaning attached pure curiosity and stalling process -“I’m sorry Edward. For her loss I mean. I truly am”- And he was. Not in terms of feeling for her, or me, but merely because It would have been easier to convince me to join his guard, had Bella been alive,(or so he thought. He believed in time I would come to terms with my destiny and agree to become a tool of destruction for their quest for power.
I didn’t bother answering.
“Thank you Edward that was illuminating” – Aro spoke, and let go of my hand.
I was finally able to keep my thought to myself.
I was wondering now when would Aro decide to speak his decision. I knew what it was and was trying my best to keep my composure. I had to find another way to die.
“Edward I know the agony that you’re feeling right now, I could have almost felt it myself. The pain you’ve felt for the last four months. I wouldn’t have believed anyone vampire or mortal, could endure so long with such a void in their chests. That black hole that sucks everything, your life force your happiness if you did feel any even without your throbbing, the agony you’ve felt is way beyond my comprehension, since I do not know what it feels like to be taken what I never had. I won’t congratulate you for surviving that would seem it was a contest. You know my thoughts. Enough said”
Finally! A response. I thought the moment of truth (for everyone else in the room a part from myself) would feel final. An ending not to my existence. To the pain at leat, but that obviously dodnt happen. When did life start being fair for anyone?
I knew the answer and it wasn’t what I wished.
“I’m sorry to tell you that we won’t take your life. I would be wrong to do so. You have committed no crime. Your plea and your feelings won’t change the law. I feel for you, but my answer remains. No. I’m sorry Edward you’ll have to find another way to die. I would much rather if you didn’t. I would beg if It made any difference. As I have heard your mind that won’t apply so I won’t even bother inviting you again. Your mind is settled. Still… such a waste!”
No surprise there, and yet I felt as if my last resort had crumbled.
I left the castle.
What now?! I have no One else to ask for my demise. I´ll have to be creative. Break the law and pay the consequences with my life. Gladly The Volturi weren’t fans of trials. This would be fast.
Should I drink someone in plain daylight, in the middle of Volterra’s square? That ought to make the Volturi act. But I wasn’t going to kill innocents and I didn’t want to let Carlisle down. Not in the end. I won’t kill humans. Period.
I have to find a way that I alone get killed in the process. I couldn’t live with myself If I took another human life. Bella was the last person I’d killed; I plan to keep it that way. The mere act of remembering her name hurts more than I could have ever imagined. It aches as if the crack in my chest besides burning would start to create glass splinters in my flesh, every time I get a glimpse of her of anything to do with her, whatever thing that even resembles her, reminds me of her, and aches because I deserve this. The pain only got worse, as if someone can describe my agony. There are no words. For no one has ever felt like this before. A human would’ve died a long time ago and a vampire wouldn’t love a human in the first place so they would never lose their life partner (as If anyone can call that to what me and Bella were).
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