It is said time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind protecting it's sanity covers them up with scar tissue and the pain lessens but it is never gone.
Rose Kennedy
My skin still shines like a million Diamonds in the moonlit but it is more feeble. It´s a dim, frail reflection, such as the moonlight itself. A mere fraction of the sun´s brilliancy.
Preface:
It was nearly midday and I was ready to face my death. Without Bella, life was meaningless, for she was my reason my, heart my soul I could not live thinking that my perfect angel did no longer exist, there is no point enduring in this world without the one you love.
Distance was indeed way too much to handle but this; knowing that she no longer walked this earth, that was much harder I couldn´t exist for another second. I need to go to her, find her in heaven. I would climb the gates of hell just to see her face again just to breathe her scent which no longer made my thirst unbearable, now that sweet innocent scent makes me love her with every cell in my body. That is why it has come to this. That is why I must be killed.
I´m sorry my love, I couldn´t save you, I should have done something, anything to prevent you from loving me, but I wasn´t strong enough. I was too selfish. I needed my Bella to love me as I loved her. It would have saved her but I could never do that. Oh why was I born?! Why didn´t I die a century ago?! I don´t deserve the love she gave me. I´m a monster, a selfish murderer, a weak excuse for a night creature. I deserve to suffer, for hurting my beautiful Bella, I don´t seek forgiveness, for it can never be granted. My life no longer exists so nor shall my existence.
From my peripheral vision I got a glimpse of two black long cloaks. The Volturi guard is waiting to murder me. Good, this shall be fast. At the second toll of the clock I stepped forward.
As I walk into Volterra´s sunlight I feel something grabbing my chest, as I open my eyes I see my Bella ,“Amazing, Carlisle was right” and there I was in heaven holding Bella in my arms. I could not believe my soul deserved to be in heaven. How were my sins forgiven?! Nothing mattered I would be with Bella forever.
"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing-they're very good," As I press my lips to Bella´s hair, I inhale the scent that once made me a killer, but now it could only me feel as if the most amazing perfume had just entered my nostrils. That scent was as beautiful as its owner, the one I would love for all eternity. The one I hurt ever so deeply and was still willing to be held by me, the creature that broke her, that made her doubt herself and the love I felt for her. To this day I cannot believe I had the strength to keep away for so many months, every second felt excruciating as if nothing would ease the pain no matter how much I fought to forget. If this was heaven how could I be in it?
The line from Romeo and Juliet, when he was at his tomb, appeared in my mind and I voiced it without realizing
"Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty,"
"You smell just exactly the same as always," I went on. "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it." This was so unreal that I could almost doubt it, but I could feel Bella in my arms so It must be heaven, or hell either way .I had prayed for the pain to numb, for myself to be kept from feeling a thing. But this, how could I have ever imagined that death would be so peaceful, it is so unfair. I did not deserve to be happy again. For all the pain I´d cause I should have rotten in hell, and I would be grateful for it. In that case Bella would no longer suffer. If I was away, and having my punishment.
But I didn´t. Why was God being so kind to me?! My sins alone should condemn me to hell, though I am here, holding my true and only love in my arms. I know I do not deserve, but I am, utterly and immensely joyful, if such word can describe the imensitude of my feelings right now.
Sem comentários:
Enviar um comentário