I kept burning

I kept Burning

It was the middle of the night. There was no clock around and I have lost track of time due to my sleeping patterns being all scrambled. However my best estimation was that it were five in the morning I was groggy from lack of sleep. Mu muscles ached for lack of movement. I had been stuck in that bed for an entire week now. I would only get up on rare occasions, I was in bed, still I did not sleep. Not only because of the pain, but the recurring dream of death of losing everything, had I not done so already my mother must be feeling so alone and concerned for my health. She was such a thoughtful parent. My late father on the other hand was not a loving man. My mother cared for him in any way possible yet he never said a kind word of appreciation. I guess he was the man I prayed not to become. Mu humanity had always been my strong point. When mother was ill I’d take care of her. Take her to the docter, hold her hand. Simply to make me feel like somehow I was giving back. Returning the sacrificed she had done to raise me. I was thankful and I believe she was proud of me.

Dr. Carlisle came to me with a hard expression on his uncommonly white face. He neared my right ear and whispered ever so softly the awful truth I grew accustomed to.

“I’m sorry to inform you soon but your mother didn’t resist. She passed away two hours ago. I know this is not the time to discuss this but unless you claim her body she will be burned in a shallow grave with the rest of the perished.” I didn’t know what to say. What to do with myself. My throat was thick with the oncoming tears. I couldn’t make a sound. I wanted to scream but all I did was cry. She didn’t deserve to die. The disease should have taken me first. I gathered all my strength toward making my vocal cords move once more yet I forgot about my brain. I was in shock utter and inevitable agony.

“No!” I mumbled between sobs.

“I’m here son, you can cry” Carlisle wrapped his arms around my shoulders and comforted me until I was able to speak coherently again.

“Where is she?” I asked still fighting the urge to sink into oblivion

“She will be taken to the back door of the west wing. You can't enter the women’s ward so we’ll take her to the common morgue so you can identify her and pay your respects.” Dr. Carlisle got me up, kept his arm around my shoulder for support and took me out of my ward. A nurse came hurriedly.

“Doctor do you need help? Want me to take the body someplace?”

“No Gracie I got this one. Could you please attend Mr. Compton? He’s in tremendous pain. I believe you could increase his pain medication to one milligram every hour. I’m afraid all we can do for him now is making him comfortable.” –the kind Doctor instructed the willing nurse.

“Yes doctor right away” – Nurse Grace was a good woman she was also the one in charge of me. She was very beautiful, on her forties with red hair and green eyes, she had a daughter which explains why she is on the heavy side which I guess makes her overcompensate unnecessarily because she is perfect and lovable in any way shape form or color, but that’s just me. Almost at the doors of death, me.

We got to the morgue door through a couple of halls and corridors, everything was white and disinfected regularly as best as possible. All the walls were simple and showing signs of needing a new paint layer. The building was ancient yet still kept his function as best as expected. The morgue had tainted glassed doors which allowed the light in and kept us from making out what was inside. I lingered there. Unable to raise my hand to the knob. Dr. Carlisle was the one to react.

“Are you ready Edward? Do you need time to adjust? We can do this later”

“No I’m okay. My mother would want me to say goodbye. I must respect her wishes. As my own. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind.

“Uhm, Dr. How am I supposed to arrange for the funeral if I can't get out of here?” I knew once I was inside I would be unable to keep my speech coherent so I decided to ask before seeing my mother’s corpse on the, what I assumed, was an autopsy table.

“Yes you mustn’t be discharged so soon. You may infect others who haven’t been given the antibody’s shot. I’m afraid it is only available to Doctors and with serious side effects. I’m drifting from my point. So indeed you must stay, yet we have people who can arrange everything for you. All you need to do is chose from the various modules they offer. I can help you with that Edward but now we must hurry. I need to do the round and your mother needs to be taken so please are you certain you wish to enter?”- I didn’t need to think.

“Yes. Please lead the way.” Before the glassy doors opened another very random thought crossed once again my mind. Several doctors had dies due to the infection from their patients. Yet Dr. Cullen was always here. Day and night, never tired, never sick. Not even the faintest sign of symptoms and he was the only one not using a gauze mask. However as soon as the opened door exposed my mother’s body covered in a white sheet all other thoughts vanished from my mind. I didn’t care about anything else. I couldn’t keep the tears from rolling down my face and making small wet circles on my gown. I couldn’t look away yet I couldn’t quite look at her. The cold soulless corpse in front of me couldn’t possible belong to the woman I loved for seventeen years. It was not logical.

I identified my mother so Carlisle would be able to start the paperwork and speak to the funereal home people. I decided to block all thoughts of pain and sorrow. I was only thinking of my mother now. I Kept a practical mind. She needed me to be strong, to give her a decent memorial and I was planning to fulfill her unspoken wish.

I chose the simplest coffin, I assumed it was pine wood I didn’t care about details I was only worried she wouldn’t have a place to rest. Luckily Carlisle, he made me promise not to call him doctor anymore, had connections in the graveyard personnel so he gave my mother a pretty mausoleum. I couldn’t thank Carlisle enough for the help he gave me all the way through the funeral preparations. I was told it was am emotional and beautiful celebration. I was unable to attend it. My condition was getting more serious and painful by the hour. The drugs were little help. Carlisle got mad at me because I wouldn’t complain. He needed to adjust the medication but I needed to feel something else rather than sorrow. Pain was my best friend at that time. She prevented my mind from wandering off and lock on memories, painful thoughts I could not deal with.

Days passed. I wouldn’t get out of bed I refused medication and Carlisle became desperate at my condition. I would die soon. I’d be meeting my mother soon. I wished for my fate to come soon. I had nothing to live for. No friends outside this ward. All of mine die every day so I resolved not to speak to anyone. I have had enough losses already. However once I thought it through I didn’t want to die. Not really. I just couldn’t live much longer like this. I feel like a prisoner of my own body, every breath pains me like acid being thrust into my nostrils and spreading into my lungs. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to hurt. I want to be numb. To feel nothing at all. To be healthy. I want to get out of this asylum.

Carlisle came up to me and whispered in my hear

“You are going to die unless I bite you”- I knew I was dying yet I didn’t understand the other part of his message. Why would he bite me? I know little of science but I don’t think his antibodies will pass on to me trough saliva. I believed they would have figured that one out.

“I don’t understand”-I must’ve had the strangest look in my face. Good thing it was dark. I looked moronic and Dr. Carlisle was the one talking about biting. This is starting to feel strange I’m sure the doctor wouldn’t make fun of me on my death bed. It was very unlike him.

“Edward please do not rush to a judgment to what I’m about to tell you”- I was completely clueless about what was going on. I was dying. I was in pain and the man was saying I’d live if I were bitten. By what? A spider? Him?

“Ok promise. I will hear what you have to say. There’s nothing more to do anyway”-my voice was starting to crack the morphine’s effect was wearing out. The pain was thrusting harder every second.

“We don’t have much time. If I give you more morphine you will overdose. Edward I am a vampire I can save you if you accept eternal life. It comes with a price though you will hurt. A lot. I’m not sure why or how but it was what happened to me. I was in agony for three days and then I was this.-three days doesn’t seem that bad. I had endured in this godforsaken place for weeks. A couple of days don’t seem that hard. I don’t know why but I trust his words however strange and impossible they may appear.

“Immortality is not what you may think. I am no monster. I feed off animals. I never hurt anyone.” Of course not the man was a doctor for crying out loud why would he think of himself as a monster. Why would I?

“Edward you will die. You have hours left. I have seen this before. Many times, every night actually. You are getting worse. There’s no cure there’s no efficient painkiller. I’m truly sorry Edward It may be selfish of me to ask this of you but I could use a friend throughout time. I am a century old everyone I loved is dead I don’t want you to have the same faith. Will you allow me to turn you into what I am?”

“You can do it? You will save me? Do you promise?”-I was becoming desperate I had no one. I was alone in the world I didn’t want to die. I liked Dr. Carlisle a lot. We were…friends. I wouldn’t mind having someone looking out for me. I want to live to see the next sunrise. I have been stuck here since God knows when. Too sick to go out. To contagious to have someone visit me. In fact no one would. They’re all dead.

“Please save me”-and so he did. He pulled my hair back from the right side of my neck and he approached his lips to my skin. They were ice cold. I felt his teeth sink into my flesh and then all was pain. The venom started spreading. Carlisle retrieved his teeth and grabbed my hand. After than all I could focus on was the agony. I couldn’t move I could only scream. Even that came out muffled; the venom had hit the veins connected to my vocal cords. I was paralyzed. The pain kept increasing its hold on my sanity. I couldn’t think outside the agony. All my world was crimson. All I felt was burning in my blood. I kept burning; the thought of being alone crippled me and prevented my flight from the consuming flames. I burned...

Suddenly I was able to feel Carlisle next to me. I heard his quiet breath but there was more. I was able to smell new things. The pain had not decreased for one second and I dared not to open my eyes yet I heard new things, smelled unknown fragrances. After 98thousand breaths that Carlisle made the pain started leaving my fingertips and then my hands. After what I assumed was 2days since I had been bitten I gained control of my limbs yet the pain in my chest burned deeper still as if that were possible and intense as ever. I thought I would die. Maybe my body will give out. This pain seems impossible to take without danger of combustion. I cannot believe the fire I feel inside of me isn’t leaving any trail on the outside. All others can see is my pained face. It’s like the agony had never existed if it weren’t for the memories branded in crimson red on my mind. Everywhere I went a sudden image flashed through my eyes. You will die. You cannot last any longer. You will burn…

Three days passed. The burning ceased as my heart gave his last beat. Every shred of my existence was ash...and I was Immortal. I rose to a new life. To a new form of existence. I was…

A vampire.