After our midnight swim or as you wish to call it, I carry Bella inside. I lay her on the bed; I can hear her heartbeat throbbing as fast as mine would have if it still held a beat. I kiss her lips; she kisses me back as if this was our first kiss. As fierce and powerful as ever, the feeling of her touch is ever so strong, I can barely keep my mind together. It is virtually impossible to maintain my composure, to avoid pulling her body into mine with too much force. I don’t want to hurt her. I can't. And yet it's impossible to think when we’re like this. I move down to her collarbone, her skin is salty and warm. Her touch releases electric jolts in my skin, they feel tingly and nice. Her leg is wrapped around my waist, I pull her closer to my chest, and I caress her arm, her leg, her back. She rolled her eyes; thank God my touch isn’t too tight so far. How I wish I could hear her toughts right now, she could tell me when I was hurting her. I’m truly afraid of pushing too hard, of grabbing much too tight her breakable, slender body.
Her ragged breaths move in synchronization with mine, our bodies, fit together as if we were one. One mind, one body, one soul, forever intertwined in the flames of our zeal existence. I can't think anymore, the only I can feel is my body inside of hers and our skin combusting with desire, no, with need of each other. This ought to be as natural as breathing. And if it weren’t for my fright of breaking her, it would be. I’m not sure anymore if I hurt her. My mind locked for some moments. Too focused on the vastness of the feelings my body was experiencing. I had been warned by my brothers that physical love would result in what I’m experiencing right now, but I had thought I could at least be in control of my body, so I wouldn’t harm my..Wife. Well I was wrong I´ve never been so out of control. Not even in the presence of her spilt blood. I conquered one vice and gave in to a new very joyful one, at least joyful for me. I shouldn’t have agreed to this, as much as my bliss would tell me otherwise. I hurt Bella. I’m a monster.
She sleeps now peacefully her bruises wouldn’t show until the morning but I can feel them as if they were my own. I am as you call it pissed off at myself for agreeing to this. Personal satisfaction does not ever come before security thus the fact that I broke my own vows regarding never hurting Bella again not after what she when through while I was gone. The thought of pain inside that perfect angelic body is too much to take. I shall do as usual, watch her sleep. Yet this time it will be in order to prevent the pain from progressing. As soon as her face twitches with hurt I will…well I’m not sure. Should I suggest pain killers or throwing myself off the mountain on the east side of the house?
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